Posted on June 12 2017
You had been sitting on that chair for some time. The living room clock was ticking loudly, as you were motionless and quiet staring at nowhere. 'So what do I do now?' you thought, after your husband of 6 years -5 years and 10 months- packed up his stuff and left. He had just walked out of your life before your very eyes. Just like that.
So where do I begin to explain the next 2 years of your life? As all the anger and wounds began to rot inside you, you wished everyday that he be punished for what he did to you. You imprisoned him inside the jail of your heart and constantly reminded him of what he deserved. You were chained up with your anger, shame, depression, and a stir of negative emotions. Almost every night you suffered from nightmares, being tormented and suicidal in your dreams. Day and night, you couldn't walk across the street because you thought everybody was watching you. You wore your sunglasses everywhere you went, for you felt safe hiding behind those dark lenses. Your shame and pain debilitated you from living your life. You were too hurt to see anything or anyone. You lived like a victim.
While passing through the dark long tunnel, you realized one day that the time came for you to do something utterly unimaginable. Something that you absolutely dreaded all along. You knew that this was good for you, even though every cell of your body rejected this idea. You had to forgive him. The only way you could be set free was through forgiving the person who hurt you. It was time for you to release that offender because you saw that the very person who had been sitting inside the jail of your heart was actually, yourself. You had to finally let go and drop the bottle of poison you had been drinking. So, you did it. After much kicking and screaming plus rolling on the floor, you finally delivered the message of forgiveness to him and said these three words - I forgive you. Although your feelings were opposite of what was being said, you intentionally followed through. You owned up to your part in the damage and apologized for your mistakes. Because you didn't want to just move on, you wanted to move forward.
After the dreadful and forced forgiveness, however, a completely different journey opened before you. Forgiveness certainly was not a one-time thing. But strangely, anger and bitterness gradually subsided as the days went by. Each time your anger would erupt again like heart burn, you would immediately close your eyes, breathe in, and fight off those negative emotions by repeating, “I forgive, I forgive, I forgive.” With such effort your anger eventually went away over time, to the point where you could even say in your heart, ‘You know what, I wish you well.’ You no longer wasted your time constantly thinking about the offender, you were now able to focus on yourself and see your future. You suddenly felt so much better and free, and started experiencing something you haven’t had for a long time- hope. You became optimistic, even excited, for your life and over all the good things that could happen to you. Even nature looked more beautiful than usual. You were able to stop and smell the roses, literally, and start appreciating what is around you, especially your true friends and family who love you and would support you all the way through. You began to love yourself in a way you never have, and your time and life suddenly seemed so valuable and worthy of your best. Time was now too short for all the things you wanted to do. You were now seeing life differently and found yourself smile for no reason.
Beautiful Lina, I'm so proud of your courage and strength in your journey. You did this for none other than yourself, for you were too loved and valued to remain crippled by your past. You once thought you would never be able to fully recover from this pain but that was not true. You thought forgiving the person who hurt you is an impossible thing to do, and that also wasn't true. It was the hardest road you've ever taken, yet it was a choice you had made to move forward and take the better and higher way. Thank you for exiting the tunnel and seeing the bright light again. Thank you for showing us that forgiving is indeed possible.
So those who are wrestling with releasing your offender from your heart, do it for yourself! Forgiveness is the highest expression of love you can show to yourself. You are just too precious and loved to stay crushed with your past. Once you forgive, you will be one step closer to healing, and the pain will hurt less and less until you become completely free. When you forgive, you will gain a new heart that is much healthier, mature, and deeper. The past is gone, and now you are able to experience a hopeful beginning of your new life!
Lina is an entrepreneur, speaker, and business advisor. Her passion is to encourage and empower women whose lives took an unexpected turn and are facing hopelessness. Lina wishes to see lives being saved and restored for a bright future. She says keep waiting and don't give up because you will see the light soon. Tell yourself everyday that you are loved and valued. - @lkla
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Bracelet: Love Snow Bracelet from PUT ON LOVE